Self Introduction
Subject: Lee Jiale's Introduction
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am writing this email to introduce myself. My name is Lee Jiale and I am a year 1 mechanical engineering student from SIT attending your communications class.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2021 with a mechatronics engineering diploma, specializing in semi-conductors. Outside of academic activities, my enjoyment of modifying bicycles has drawn me towards the world of engineering. Cycling on multiple terrains with only two bicycles, required me to regularly modify them to prevent damage to their parts and improve my cycling efficiency. Furthermore, to establish the type of parts requiring modification, knowledge on the mechanics of each part and their interactions with the terrain is required. Expectedly, the enjoyment of attaining such knowledge has lead me to the path of engineering.
Being able to simplify or translate ideas without diminishing their value is something I have been commended on by my friends and teammates. This skill was honed during my internship at Fabristeel where I had to liaise with the design, fabrication and purchasing departments, regarding equipment being manufactured to meet customer or ISO requirements. Each department had a different level of technical knowledge, requiring me to constantly simplify and translate the feedback appropriately between departments.
Reality can be harsh but my manner of speech is harsher. I tend to be blunt when communicating with colleagues, sometimes rubbing them the wrong way. This could prevent them from being open to presenting new perspectives and ideas, harming the group dynamic and products of discussions. However, I view this as a problem not beyond one's control and am confident that I can solve it in your class.
In this class, I want to learn how to foster a better social environment for group work and improve the comprehensiveness of criticism and feedback that I share with others.
I look forward to getting to know you whilst improving in critical thinking and communicating under your guidance.
Best regards,
Lee Jiale
Edited: 211123
Hi Jiale, nice work on your self introduction email. Love the usage of the PEEL format. Even though the word limit is 300, the detailed description was done remarkably well. The use of different conjunctions made the email smooth and easy to read. Overall, good flow, language used and organisation.
ReplyDeleteHello Jiale, great self-introduction! I love the how well-structured your email is that I could easily breeze through it without feeling like I missed a detail. There was a good mix of simplicity and complexity in your language which helped to engage me into reading more. Content-wise, everything that I needed to see was there, in a sufficient amount of detail. Good work!
ReplyDeleteHi, overall I found this letter very well written, being clear and organised. The examples are also well elaborated. However, there are some minor things, such as perhaps the number 2 could be spelled out. In the part "reality can be harsh and my..." I also believe that 'but' might be more appropriate instead of 'and'. The second last paragraph also has a very long sentence which perhaps could be broken down for easier comprehension.
ReplyDeleteHello Jia Le, it was interesting knowing that you do modification on bicycle which is something i dont commonly see in young adults these days, i learned something new about you which was unexpected. Reading your internship experience makes me think that you are a very technical guy which is an essential skill especially in this particular programme. Using the word but in your sentence "reality can be harsh but my" I feel that but should be used if you are comparing two different things, however I still feel that your introduction letter is very good.
ReplyDeleteDear JiaLe,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this well crafted and highly informative letter. I especially appreciate the sharing you’ve done in terms of your unique journey toward mechanical engineering, with an eye on your interest in biclycles and their maintenance and modification. That's fine motivation, really.
You also detail your need for effective comm skills, contextualizing the discussion within a work context, and you explain how a penchant for brash comments with colleagues demonstrates your development needs. Be assured that we will address the areas that you mention, allowing you to work toward your goals. (Giving courteous feedback is one method.)
As for language use, this is a very well presented letter.
Keep up the fine work.
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter and for providing feedback. I will continue to revise my letter, for continued improvement.
Best regards,
Jiale